took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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