so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
