i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
