Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
