PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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