who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize