5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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