What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
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