They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
