You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
