I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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