Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
