whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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