I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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