Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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