There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
