Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
