White coat. Heels.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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