if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
