the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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