This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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