Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize