Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
