they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
