It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize