Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
