Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i can't believe i had my finger in that
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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