i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Please don't give away my fajitas
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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