He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
