im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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