Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
