Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I would ride that face into the sunset
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
