so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
