Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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