Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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