okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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