I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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