All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize