that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
