I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
