Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
