Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
