He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
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