just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
