WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
bring money and cleavage
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
