In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
