Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
