What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
