Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize