it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
