no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
