he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
