And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
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