The maid of honor just puked.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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