God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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