I need to stop coming to work sober
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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