I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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