Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
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