You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
