I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
