went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
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