Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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