Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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