twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
