...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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