Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
