That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
as a side note pls kill me
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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