I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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