Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
