Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
