Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
