did you get engaged???
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
