i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Can I color on your dick again?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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