Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
