Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
