he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
