no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
