Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
