the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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