we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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