whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
