Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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