New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
