new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
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