This dress was meant to end up on your floor
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
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