paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
