Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
