i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
