Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
