it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
